I'm losing it...

Of all days, March 3, 2009 was just one of those days where everything that could've gone wrong went wrong. I woke up sick, nearly fell asleep in the first three periods just from medicine side effects, failed the bio unit test, and just lost my sweatshirt.

But my stress has just received some more building blocks...

Okay, so we were playing mixed doubles against several people. We lost to them, some by a few points, some by several points. And then you give me "a way to feel better" by saying:

"Really, I don't trust you right now. Sometimes I'd rather play singles than mixed with you."

Uh huh. "Constructive criticism." Too bad it's so faulty.

Yes, I do realize that I need to train harder. I have a long way to go. But I'm not the only one--you do, too. Also, it's not proper to "encourage" someone by saying, "I don't trust you." Now I even wonder: if I agreed to play mixed with you, then how did it end up like this?

Truthfully, I did not trust you in the beginning at first, either. But I never said it. Why? Two reasons:
1) I didn't want to hurt you.
2) I thought you could improve.

Of course I want to improve. Of course I want to be really proficient. But you saying that doesn't make me feel better. Do I feel better dragging people down? NO.

I can take the criticism, but I can't take the fact that I'm pulling everyone down. Mixed doubles is a team effort. You don't get better by destroying the self-esteem of others. I have enough troubles already.