At this time of year, people are really starting to act up. Some of these people fight each other, cause heartbreak, throw accusations, and the whatnot. Even I have troubles of my own, and I sometimes react the wrong way.
When it comes down to it, we should ask ourselves: are these conflicts really worth it? Are we really aware of what we're doing?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I see something wrong...
"____ has a lot on her plate..."
"Well, Obama has a lot on his plate, too."
There's something wrong with this picture, don't you think?
"Well, Obama has a lot on his plate, too."
There's something wrong with this picture, don't you think?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Redwoods Alliance Retreat
I should be going to bed early. But I feel I really need to make a post about this past weekend.
Even though I came to the conference grounds a day later than planned, I still adapted and enjoyed the environment around me. Now this wasn't a retreat made up of fun and games (with the exception of recreation periods where most of us were doing homework); rather, we gave every minute we had there to the Lord. Spending time with Him, learning more about Him, singing praise to Him...THAT was the enjoyment, and it's better than any other enjoyment out there today.
Over the course of these 1 1/2 days, I learned so much about not only the Lord, but also about myself. I realized that, despite my constant busy schedules, there is no excuse why I can't devote at least fifteen minutes to reading the Bible each day. After all, the time I spend with Him lets everything else--homework, stress, life--fall into place.
In the conference grounds, we were away from the rest of the world, away from worry, away from the harsh outside. We were with God and each other. Now that we're back home, I always remember one thing: never ever ever turn away from Him.
(Yeah, this post is a little jumbly; that's because I'm tired and it's been a long day)
Even though I came to the conference grounds a day later than planned, I still adapted and enjoyed the environment around me. Now this wasn't a retreat made up of fun and games (with the exception of recreation periods where most of us were doing homework); rather, we gave every minute we had there to the Lord. Spending time with Him, learning more about Him, singing praise to Him...THAT was the enjoyment, and it's better than any other enjoyment out there today.
Over the course of these 1 1/2 days, I learned so much about not only the Lord, but also about myself. I realized that, despite my constant busy schedules, there is no excuse why I can't devote at least fifteen minutes to reading the Bible each day. After all, the time I spend with Him lets everything else--homework, stress, life--fall into place.
In the conference grounds, we were away from the rest of the world, away from worry, away from the harsh outside. We were with God and each other. Now that we're back home, I always remember one thing: never ever ever turn away from Him.
(Yeah, this post is a little jumbly; that's because I'm tired and it's been a long day)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Our difficulties
Wow I just realized that I wrote only one post last month. Fail -___-
Okay, now to the real topic here.
Sometime earlier, a friend of mine told me she doesn't go to church anymore because despite numerous prayers from her family and friends, her mom still lost the fight to breast cancer. Thinking that prayers don't work anymore, she stopped going.
I can't blame her; cancer is a devastating force in my family as well.
Now comes the ultimate question: if God loves us and is all-knowing, why does he let bad things happen to good people? For a while, we even blame Him for the loss of our loved ones. We blame Him for our hardships and struggles.
At least in my church, people believe that God helps those who help themselves. Such people show God that they want to act to persevere, not by wishing. The hardships we endure show how we can go stronger, mentally and spiritually. BUT now that I think about it, we can do very little when a loved one is dying.
Everybody has a different experience, though. It would probably be fair if I share mine. When my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, our whole family fell into shock. The nights of worry, the times when I saw her ill, the times when she lost all her hair...but we never stopped hoping. We never stopped praying. Eventually, she recovered. Our family's thanks go to God for keeping her strong.
Unfortunately, the same story didn't carry out as well when my grandpa died of liver failure. The doctor said he had only a few months left. That was four years before my grandpa finally passed. At that moment, I was both angry and thankful to God: why did He keep my grandpa strong before finally taking him away?
When it comes down to it, why do bad things happen to us when we need God the most? Where do we go from there?
So many questions, so few answers.
I still hold onto my faith. Miracles have happened before.
Okay, now to the real topic here.
Sometime earlier, a friend of mine told me she doesn't go to church anymore because despite numerous prayers from her family and friends, her mom still lost the fight to breast cancer. Thinking that prayers don't work anymore, she stopped going.
I can't blame her; cancer is a devastating force in my family as well.
Now comes the ultimate question: if God loves us and is all-knowing, why does he let bad things happen to good people? For a while, we even blame Him for the loss of our loved ones. We blame Him for our hardships and struggles.
At least in my church, people believe that God helps those who help themselves. Such people show God that they want to act to persevere, not by wishing. The hardships we endure show how we can go stronger, mentally and spiritually. BUT now that I think about it, we can do very little when a loved one is dying.
Everybody has a different experience, though. It would probably be fair if I share mine. When my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, our whole family fell into shock. The nights of worry, the times when I saw her ill, the times when she lost all her hair...but we never stopped hoping. We never stopped praying. Eventually, she recovered. Our family's thanks go to God for keeping her strong.
Unfortunately, the same story didn't carry out as well when my grandpa died of liver failure. The doctor said he had only a few months left. That was four years before my grandpa finally passed. At that moment, I was both angry and thankful to God: why did He keep my grandpa strong before finally taking him away?
When it comes down to it, why do bad things happen to us when we need God the most? Where do we go from there?
So many questions, so few answers.
I still hold onto my faith. Miracles have happened before.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Education?
The schools keep getting budgets slashed here and there. WEEELL...let's say that the education system sucks in general. Irvington isn't perfect.
Neither are we.
Yes, many students in California do not perform as highly as those in FUSD. Even in FUSD, quite a few students are low performers. Now comes the question: here in Irvington, why do most of the resources go towards the low performers instead of the more intelligent people? (i.e. why can't freshmen take APs?)
The answer is simple: because the low performers, unfortunately, need more attention. They called low performers not necessarily because they're stupid and/or unmotivated, but chiefly because we're giving up on them. Then they don't know where to go. Yes, they piss us off. But few people have taught them how to take in what they learn. The "gifted" students are the ones who are motivated, who don't give up easily, despite the difficulties. In Irvington, and in all schools, actually, not all students are equal. The top academic students cannot expect everyone to perform at their level.
A VERY high-achieving freshman once said, "Honors kids need more attention. We're the ones more likely to succeed. We're the ones who will be shaping America in the future." True, high performers are more likely to succeed. True, high performers will be the ones with awesome jobs. HOWEVER, just because we score high doesn't mean we should look down on those who don't.
So now for a supposedly easier question: "Why can't freshmen take APs? Do we REALLY have to be stuck with all the lower-end people?" (asked by the same freshman mentioned earlier)
Truth is, you're not. So what if you already took geometry and precalc at ATDP in Berkeley or whatever. You may think you're ready for APs; academically speaking, you probably are. But there's more to APs than just your academic skills. And just because you took a bunch of hard classes during your summers doesn't mean you suddenly get how the educational system works. Even I don't fully understand how it works.
I've also seen what happens when people try to get too far ahead. Not pretty. Those people tend to think they're better than everyone, only to find out that they're not...
Always remember: we're not the only ones out here.
Neither are we.
Yes, many students in California do not perform as highly as those in FUSD. Even in FUSD, quite a few students are low performers. Now comes the question: here in Irvington, why do most of the resources go towards the low performers instead of the more intelligent people? (i.e. why can't freshmen take APs?)
The answer is simple: because the low performers, unfortunately, need more attention. They called low performers not necessarily because they're stupid and/or unmotivated, but chiefly because we're giving up on them. Then they don't know where to go. Yes, they piss us off. But few people have taught them how to take in what they learn. The "gifted" students are the ones who are motivated, who don't give up easily, despite the difficulties. In Irvington, and in all schools, actually, not all students are equal. The top academic students cannot expect everyone to perform at their level.
A VERY high-achieving freshman once said, "Honors kids need more attention. We're the ones more likely to succeed. We're the ones who will be shaping America in the future." True, high performers are more likely to succeed. True, high performers will be the ones with awesome jobs. HOWEVER, just because we score high doesn't mean we should look down on those who don't.
So now for a supposedly easier question: "Why can't freshmen take APs? Do we REALLY have to be stuck with all the lower-end people?" (asked by the same freshman mentioned earlier)
Truth is, you're not. So what if you already took geometry and precalc at ATDP in Berkeley or whatever. You may think you're ready for APs; academically speaking, you probably are. But there's more to APs than just your academic skills. And just because you took a bunch of hard classes during your summers doesn't mean you suddenly get how the educational system works. Even I don't fully understand how it works.
I've also seen what happens when people try to get too far ahead. Not pretty. Those people tend to think they're better than everyone, only to find out that they're not...
Always remember: we're not the only ones out here.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
This is just wrong (PLEASE CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO ZOOM IN)
As many of you already know, Irvington has been entered into the "America's Greatest School" contest, where the winning school gets $20,000. Last year, we were also America's Greenest School. Now for the greatest.
But not everyone in the Irvington community supports the idea. Some are even determined to bring Irvington down. Take this for instance:
But not everyone in the Irvington community supports the idea. Some are even determined to bring Irvington down. Take this for instance:
According to these three posters, we are the "biggest fucking attention whore in America."
SO WHAT? I agree that Irvington isn't in the best state as of now. But we're still trying to do what we can to help the school. America's greenest school? WE GOT A NICE HYBRID BUS AND AC AND JASPER GOT SCHOLARSHIPS.
Greatest school? If we win, we can get $20,000--BIG help to our school.
And now two of those three decide to flame Irvington and pledge support for Independence (I have nothing against that school, but seriously, there's no use in putting Irvington down on purpose). Is there something wrong with having spirit? Is there something wrong with showing support for the school?
I guess some people will never learn. It makes me sick to my stomach.
(For those of you who still support Irvington's effort to win $20,000, please go here and vote. Thanks!!)
SO WHAT? I agree that Irvington isn't in the best state as of now. But we're still trying to do what we can to help the school. America's greenest school? WE GOT A NICE HYBRID BUS AND AC AND JASPER GOT SCHOLARSHIPS.
Greatest school? If we win, we can get $20,000--BIG help to our school.
And now two of those three decide to flame Irvington and pledge support for Independence (I have nothing against that school, but seriously, there's no use in putting Irvington down on purpose). Is there something wrong with having spirit? Is there something wrong with showing support for the school?
I guess some people will never learn. It makes me sick to my stomach.
(For those of you who still support Irvington's effort to win $20,000, please go here and vote. Thanks!!)
Monday, September 7, 2009
I had a dream...
...that summer was about to start. When I woke up, I checked the date--September 7, 2009. Oh dear.
Well, to appease your boredom, you may want to look at this guy's school life
Well, to appease your boredom, you may want to look at this guy's school life
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Driving
Let's face it. The first time, it's hard.
To me, it's no different. Today is my second day driving...and let's say it's tougher than I'd thought it'd be. Turning, merging, parking...ugh.
Well, I'll get used to it in time...
To me, it's no different. Today is my second day driving...and let's say it's tougher than I'd thought it'd be. Turning, merging, parking...ugh.
Well, I'll get used to it in time...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
School has started *sigh*
Summer flew by way too fast. Now I'm a junior D:
Well, let's see...this is the second day of school, and I've already gotten a bit of work from all my classes except Chinese. But unfortunately, the start of the year is already looking a little bad...
First off, in English, I CANNOT understand the consistency of this class. Seriously, I have to listen to the teacher mutter and he never explains anything. Plus, he does things in his fourth period that he doesn't do third period...I am incredibly confused.
History...eh, I dunno. The teacher seems enthusiastic, but from what I've heard, it's going to be one hell of a year. Oh joy.
Everything else is pretty normal for now. I'll be on ranting about school later haha.
Well, let's see...this is the second day of school, and I've already gotten a bit of work from all my classes except Chinese. But unfortunately, the start of the year is already looking a little bad...
First off, in English, I CANNOT understand the consistency of this class. Seriously, I have to listen to the teacher mutter and he never explains anything. Plus, he does things in his fourth period that he doesn't do third period...I am incredibly confused.
History...eh, I dunno. The teacher seems enthusiastic, but from what I've heard, it's going to be one hell of a year. Oh joy.
Everything else is pretty normal for now. I'll be on ranting about school later haha.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Elsa, Elsa, Elsa...
For the three years that I've had my Millenium Falcon lego, Elsa's Cleaning Service never touched it.Until last Wednesday.
I spent 7 hours building that, too.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Pressure
Junior year is coming…time to hit the SAT/ACT books, prep for the tough classes, get a driver’s license, all the fun stuff.
The fun, however, diminishes once the pressure is on. This time, it’s on for real. My mom, for instance, wants me to perform well on the big tests as well as get a driver’s license—all flawlessly. She’s willing to sacrifice everything to get there, including my own well-being.
Now I’ve worked under pressure for several years. All those times, I’ve toughed it out. This time, it’s different: one of the few people who promised to support me through the tough times is the one making me feel like the fucking idiot I already know I am. I keep asking myself, is it worth it to endure continuous torture for some stupid scores? Even if I get the scores and the license, will I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing that I lost all sanity and confidence along the way?
I want to achieve. But not like this.
haha belated birthday gift
I thought Sherrie was joking when she asked what my boxer size was. Obviously, she wasn't.
Thanks a lot, though, Sherrie! :]
Sunday, August 9, 2009
NEW BLOG
I have a new blog:
http://samchiang.tumblr.com
BOTH blogs will be updated regularly, so continue following this one.
http://samchiang.tumblr.com
BOTH blogs will be updated regularly, so continue following this one.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
La Honda 2009
One week of pure hilarity is finally over!
Anyways, here we go. This year's camp was A LOT OF FUN. Where should I start...
Oh, I know. CABIN 4!!!! With Aaron, Jerry, Jacob, Oz, Austin, Alex, Alex, Berger, Jason, Clifford, and Booker (fine, I'll add Griffin and Dom) as cabin mates and Stan and Matt as counselors, the fun couldn't stop. Lines I will never forget:
"BLOODY SCOT. WHERE'S MY DOCTOR?"
"Well, when a mommy trombone and a daddy trumpet love each other very much..."
"LANGUAGE!"
"MOUTHPIECE ON! MOUTHPIECE OFF! EMPTY SPIT VALVE!"
and of course...
"Once a greenie, always a greenie."
You guys are seriously so much fun. Thanks for making this year even better than the last.
How about THE MUSIC? Well, I was actually worried a lot about this year's camp. After all, I was still trying to get my high range back after braces and oral surgery. But with the help of some of the best faculty ever, I was able to at least get somewhere. I'm still working, but I made more progress than I initially thought!
The week also came with the most terrifying night of my life.... I came face to face with an unnatural force I never thought I'd encounter. I had never been so scared in my life. Everyone in the cabin who came across this encounter would know what I'm talking about.
Point aside, I have a lot of people to thank:
Cabin 4 buddies: You guys are the best.
Stan and Matt: I LOVE YOU, MOM AND DAD.
Small brass quintet: When the ugliest things happen...we go ahead :D
Faculty (mainly Kathryn, Stan, and Jessica): Thanks so much for supporting me. I owe a lot of my success to you.
Now that it's August...time to start getting ready for school, which starts in less than a month T_T
Anyways, here we go. This year's camp was A LOT OF FUN. Where should I start...
Oh, I know. CABIN 4!!!! With Aaron, Jerry, Jacob, Oz, Austin, Alex, Alex, Berger, Jason, Clifford, and Booker (fine, I'll add Griffin and Dom) as cabin mates and Stan and Matt as counselors, the fun couldn't stop. Lines I will never forget:
"BLOODY SCOT. WHERE'S MY DOCTOR?"
"Well, when a mommy trombone and a daddy trumpet love each other very much..."
"LANGUAGE!"
"MOUTHPIECE ON! MOUTHPIECE OFF! EMPTY SPIT VALVE!"
and of course...
"Once a greenie, always a greenie."
You guys are seriously so much fun. Thanks for making this year even better than the last.
How about THE MUSIC? Well, I was actually worried a lot about this year's camp. After all, I was still trying to get my high range back after braces and oral surgery. But with the help of some of the best faculty ever, I was able to at least get somewhere. I'm still working, but I made more progress than I initially thought!
The week also came with the most terrifying night of my life.... I came face to face with an unnatural force I never thought I'd encounter. I had never been so scared in my life. Everyone in the cabin who came across this encounter would know what I'm talking about.
Point aside, I have a lot of people to thank:
Cabin 4 buddies: You guys are the best.
Stan and Matt: I LOVE YOU, MOM AND DAD.
Small brass quintet: When the ugliest things happen...we go ahead :D
Faculty (mainly Kathryn, Stan, and Jessica): Thanks so much for supporting me. I owe a lot of my success to you.
Now that it's August...time to start getting ready for school, which starts in less than a month T_T
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
16
I know...I know...I'm writing this post later than it should be. After all, I turned sixteen last Saturday (July 4). BUT better late than never, eh? ;)
Sooo first, I wanna thank everyone who made my pre-birthday party (6/26/09) party A HUGE SUCCESS!! Planning the Laser Quest party and reserving Hon Sushi took a lot of time, but it was well WORTH IT :D. You know who you are :)
On my actual birthday, even if it wasn't as spectacular as I hoped, I still have to thank a lot of people, especially my parents and Devin's parents, who did as much as they could to make it enjoyable! Thanks so much!
Now that I'm sixteen...I feel like I REALLY need to start working on driver's ed soon -____-.
All this SAT stuff is really bogging me down, though, so once that's over with I'll get back on track.
Hehe, my bad for having a really bad imagination at this time. But again, thanks everyone who ended my 15th year with a blast!
Sooo first, I wanna thank everyone who made my pre-birthday party (6/26/09) party A HUGE SUCCESS!! Planning the Laser Quest party and reserving Hon Sushi took a lot of time, but it was well WORTH IT :D. You know who you are :)
On my actual birthday, even if it wasn't as spectacular as I hoped, I still have to thank a lot of people, especially my parents and Devin's parents, who did as much as they could to make it enjoyable! Thanks so much!
Now that I'm sixteen...I feel like I REALLY need to start working on driver's ed soon -____-.
All this SAT stuff is really bogging me down, though, so once that's over with I'll get back on track.
Hehe, my bad for having a really bad imagination at this time. But again, thanks everyone who ended my 15th year with a blast!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
SOPHOMORE YEAR in a nutshell
High school is halfway through. It seemed so fast...
Even in a blazing year, there's still a time (right now) where I reflect on what's happened, and what this year meant to me.
Sophomore year was, without a doubt, one of the best and ugliest years ever. A lot of good things happened and...a lot of bad things happened. Either way, there's a lot to remember.
Let's rewind...all the way back to the beginning of the year. I was actually doing well in all six classes. I thought, "Hey, I could really do well by the end of the year and it's not much of a problem at all right now!" After all, I had a 3.8 GPA (stupid Tale of Two Cities project), a good social life, and yeah. Pretty nice.
All of that changed pretty quickly near the end of the first semester.
First came braces and oral surgery. As soon as all the operations were completed, I started to lose one of the things I valued most: my trumpet playing. All of that went down. I chose the battle, but I fought it the wrong way: I spent money on mouthguards and such. Those didn't help--they made things worse. Now I'm still trying to get my full range back. After surgery, I decided that now would really be the ideal time to just focus on schoolwork, since my trumpet playing wasn't going to get further. Today, I'm still thinking--was that the right decision?
At one point, I had 4-6 projects at once. I never had to multitask so much in my life. As I spent countless hours getting my projects done, I was stressing out even more. Finals were coming. I felt underprepared. I still remember the night before the history + AP bio final...endless studying. I somehow got B's on both. My life, however, was going in a bad direction. I was staying up extremely late, talking to people less and less, and snapping to people. From that point until the end of the year, I struggled to get control over myself again.
Second semester came. Things weren't going much better. Even though finals were over, the workload increased. For bio, I had to make sure people did their objectives...to the point where I was chasing them at 1AM and going insane. Then the heavy projects and labs came in. I kept asking myself: "How do I get out of this? I need people to look to." My friends were there to support me, and they're all awesome, but I felt I needed that one extra push, someone I can look to for all situations, for everything.
Then I made the decision I will never regret. I started going to church again. Having God back into my life opened my eyes to so many things. It was the beginning, though, and I still had so many problems to tackle. But with God, I knew I could pull through.
Oddly enough, at that moment, issues increased trifold. Spring was here, which meant APs were going crazy. Throughout the months until after APs, I made some nasty decisions. I put work above everything else in my life. When I did my work, I didn't care about anything except for getting things done. Even people themselves didn't matter much to me anymore.
That decision ruined my life indefinitely. After the AP exam, I finally realized what I had done. I realized that what I did wasn't encouraging, and that schoolwork can't be everything. People's emotions do matter, despite my previous experiences. I never want to do such a thing again. In other words, I control my schoolwork, not the other way around.
At the same time, though, and even before, I noticed some not-so-pretty things about my own sophomore class of 2011, especially those in my English and history classes. Most of my classmates are cool people; they're fun, smart, and happy. However, I noticed that an increasing amount of them started asking me questions for assignments and such. Of course, I enjoy helping people; I even learn in the process. This time, however, I learned that most of my classmates were treating me more like a reference tool than an actual person. Outside from how to cite a book, not a lot of sophomores talk to me. Some have even put me down or completely ignored me. I could be visualizing this in a totally wrong way, but it's just how I feel...
Right before the year closed off, I learned one very brutal but important fact: often at times, our opinions aren't going to matter. There are several instances where people don't care what we think, and we may never change their minds. But it's life. It sucks, but we have to tackle it.
Heh...it's really late at night, so I doubt that this post is even coherent...my experiences this year are mostly those see-it-for-yourself things, but I tried my best. Anyway, out of the endless nights of studying, the bright moments, the worst moments, I'm so glad that my friends have been there for me, and will always be there for as long as possible. Thanks to those who have helped me throughout the year.
Even in a blazing year, there's still a time (right now) where I reflect on what's happened, and what this year meant to me.
Sophomore year was, without a doubt, one of the best and ugliest years ever. A lot of good things happened and...a lot of bad things happened. Either way, there's a lot to remember.
Let's rewind...all the way back to the beginning of the year. I was actually doing well in all six classes. I thought, "Hey, I could really do well by the end of the year and it's not much of a problem at all right now!" After all, I had a 3.8 GPA (stupid Tale of Two Cities project), a good social life, and yeah. Pretty nice.
All of that changed pretty quickly near the end of the first semester.
First came braces and oral surgery. As soon as all the operations were completed, I started to lose one of the things I valued most: my trumpet playing. All of that went down. I chose the battle, but I fought it the wrong way: I spent money on mouthguards and such. Those didn't help--they made things worse. Now I'm still trying to get my full range back. After surgery, I decided that now would really be the ideal time to just focus on schoolwork, since my trumpet playing wasn't going to get further. Today, I'm still thinking--was that the right decision?
At one point, I had 4-6 projects at once. I never had to multitask so much in my life. As I spent countless hours getting my projects done, I was stressing out even more. Finals were coming. I felt underprepared. I still remember the night before the history + AP bio final...endless studying. I somehow got B's on both. My life, however, was going in a bad direction. I was staying up extremely late, talking to people less and less, and snapping to people. From that point until the end of the year, I struggled to get control over myself again.
Second semester came. Things weren't going much better. Even though finals were over, the workload increased. For bio, I had to make sure people did their objectives...to the point where I was chasing them at 1AM and going insane. Then the heavy projects and labs came in. I kept asking myself: "How do I get out of this? I need people to look to." My friends were there to support me, and they're all awesome, but I felt I needed that one extra push, someone I can look to for all situations, for everything.
Then I made the decision I will never regret. I started going to church again. Having God back into my life opened my eyes to so many things. It was the beginning, though, and I still had so many problems to tackle. But with God, I knew I could pull through.
Oddly enough, at that moment, issues increased trifold. Spring was here, which meant APs were going crazy. Throughout the months until after APs, I made some nasty decisions. I put work above everything else in my life. When I did my work, I didn't care about anything except for getting things done. Even people themselves didn't matter much to me anymore.
That decision ruined my life indefinitely. After the AP exam, I finally realized what I had done. I realized that what I did wasn't encouraging, and that schoolwork can't be everything. People's emotions do matter, despite my previous experiences. I never want to do such a thing again. In other words, I control my schoolwork, not the other way around.
At the same time, though, and even before, I noticed some not-so-pretty things about my own sophomore class of 2011, especially those in my English and history classes. Most of my classmates are cool people; they're fun, smart, and happy. However, I noticed that an increasing amount of them started asking me questions for assignments and such. Of course, I enjoy helping people; I even learn in the process. This time, however, I learned that most of my classmates were treating me more like a reference tool than an actual person. Outside from how to cite a book, not a lot of sophomores talk to me. Some have even put me down or completely ignored me. I could be visualizing this in a totally wrong way, but it's just how I feel...
Right before the year closed off, I learned one very brutal but important fact: often at times, our opinions aren't going to matter. There are several instances where people don't care what we think, and we may never change their minds. But it's life. It sucks, but we have to tackle it.
Heh...it's really late at night, so I doubt that this post is even coherent...my experiences this year are mostly those see-it-for-yourself things, but I tried my best. Anyway, out of the endless nights of studying, the bright moments, the worst moments, I'm so glad that my friends have been there for me, and will always be there for as long as possible. Thanks to those who have helped me throughout the year.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Who cares?
I've probably learned more about myself and the people around me this week than in the last year.
Over the course of this week, I have been criticized, put down, overlooked, beaten, and under-appreciated. The MAAN head-to-head, the public relations election, the marching band scenario...nothing really worked. Losing itself isn't the worst part.
The worst part was when I put in so much effort for things I did and wanted, thinking it would pay off.
Everything I did didn't matter. How I felt didn't matter. Will it ever matter? Not anytime soon.
Over the course of this week, I have been criticized, put down, overlooked, beaten, and under-appreciated. The MAAN head-to-head, the public relations election, the marching band scenario...nothing really worked. Losing itself isn't the worst part.
The worst part was when I put in so much effort for things I did and wanted, thinking it would pay off.
Everything I did didn't matter. How I felt didn't matter. Will it ever matter? Not anytime soon.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
My day went from good to bad just like that...
I thought today was going well. Project C was done, I didn't stutter, I got through my head-to-head for Much Ado About Nothing, what could go wrong?
The last part. I thought I got through Much Ado About Nothing.
I was dead wrong.
Apparently, Mrs. Black thought I rushed through the whole thing, that I didn't put enough emotion into my part, and all the criticism that's given to bad actors. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I put so much time and effort into making my part perfect, only to hear THIS? And I did well on my monologue so long ago, but performed badly here? It makes no sense!
Oh, and I didn't become the Public Relations officer for Key Club. I put a lot of time into my application, too, only to lose. I really didn't expect HIM to win, either. Not like my application matters that much anyway...it's all about the popularity contest among the members.
Point aside, the English scenario brought me down completely. All self-esteem I once had is now gone. If things go from bad to worse, I might get a B in that class--forcing myself to take the final.
I seriously thought I did well. I really did. But what I think makes no difference now, does it?
The last part. I thought I got through Much Ado About Nothing.
I was dead wrong.
Apparently, Mrs. Black thought I rushed through the whole thing, that I didn't put enough emotion into my part, and all the criticism that's given to bad actors. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I put so much time and effort into making my part perfect, only to hear THIS? And I did well on my monologue so long ago, but performed badly here? It makes no sense!
Oh, and I didn't become the Public Relations officer for Key Club. I put a lot of time into my application, too, only to lose. I really didn't expect HIM to win, either. Not like my application matters that much anyway...it's all about the popularity contest among the members.
Point aside, the English scenario brought me down completely. All self-esteem I once had is now gone. If things go from bad to worse, I might get a B in that class--forcing myself to take the final.
I seriously thought I did well. I really did. But what I think makes no difference now, does it?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
How SHOULD I feel?
I haven't experienced one of these in a while, but it's happened, so I might as well write about it.
(This is for two specific people. I'm sure they'll read this sometime, and no, I'm not attacking you two.)
I know you two love to joke around and have fun. I do, too. But what you did just doesn't feel comfortable with me. Let's take it apart, piece-by-piece:
Whenever I see you two in the hallways, cafeteria, or wherever, you see me, you know I'm there, but you don't "respond." Instead, you look at me, giggle, and walk away. Now I can barely even talk to you two without you two "pretending" that I'm not there. This is part of why it's so hard to tell both of you how I feel about this.
I know it's a joke, but based on my own experiences and thoughts, it's not really what I call. Normally, I don't mind being called "cricket" and stuff like that, but when you two purposely walk away, I don't feel all that great. I don't blame you for not really knowing the similar experience I had two years ago, but it was one of the worst feelings I had for a while back then. Now it's not nearly as bad at all, but what you're doing isn't making me feel better, either.
I know you two intend no harm at all and would never do such a thing, and don't freak out, you two are still considered some of my best friends. I might be taking this too seriously, but all I ask is that you take into account what I'm saying here. Yes, sooner than later, I will find the chance to say this to you in person. I'm not afraid to do so.
Thanks so much.
(This is for two specific people. I'm sure they'll read this sometime, and no, I'm not attacking you two.)
I know you two love to joke around and have fun. I do, too. But what you did just doesn't feel comfortable with me. Let's take it apart, piece-by-piece:
Whenever I see you two in the hallways, cafeteria, or wherever, you see me, you know I'm there, but you don't "respond." Instead, you look at me, giggle, and walk away. Now I can barely even talk to you two without you two "pretending" that I'm not there. This is part of why it's so hard to tell both of you how I feel about this.
I know it's a joke, but based on my own experiences and thoughts, it's not really what I call. Normally, I don't mind being called "cricket" and stuff like that, but when you two purposely walk away, I don't feel all that great. I don't blame you for not really knowing the similar experience I had two years ago, but it was one of the worst feelings I had for a while back then. Now it's not nearly as bad at all, but what you're doing isn't making me feel better, either.
I know you two intend no harm at all and would never do such a thing, and don't freak out, you two are still considered some of my best friends. I might be taking this too seriously, but all I ask is that you take into account what I'm saying here. Yes, sooner than later, I will find the chance to say this to you in person. I'm not afraid to do so.
Thanks so much.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Uh oh
UN
MAAN (Much Ado About Nothing) HEAD-TO-HEAD
PROJECT C
TESTS, TESTS, MORE TESTS
SAT SUBJECT TESTS
PUBLIC RELATIONS APPLICATION + WAITING FOR RESULTS?
Sometimes...I just hate my life...and when things build up, everything spirals out of control. Especially when one thing creeps into another.
Oh joy.
MAAN (Much Ado About Nothing) HEAD-TO-HEAD
PROJECT C
TESTS, TESTS, MORE TESTS
SAT SUBJECT TESTS
PUBLIC RELATIONS APPLICATION + WAITING FOR RESULTS?
Sometimes...I just hate my life...and when things build up, everything spirals out of control. Especially when one thing creeps into another.
Oh joy.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
BAPTISM!!
Today was the day. I was baptized into the body of Christ.
Thanks to everyone who supported me and those who were there to witness it. Thanks to those who promised to support me throughout my spiritual journey.
This means a lot to me, more than you might initially imagine. PRAISE THE LORD!!! :)
Thanks to everyone who supported me and those who were there to witness it. Thanks to those who promised to support me throughout my spiritual journey.
This means a lot to me, more than you might initially imagine. PRAISE THE LORD!!! :)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
You know...I'm a human being, right?
In the midst of AP studying, stress, and the whatnot, I think it's still important to slow down for a bit and think about what's going on around us.
First off, as this year dragged on, I figured out what our class is becoming. I quickly realized that despite my growing generosity, I was really being "used" for schoolwork reference instead of being talked to. You know...I'm a human being, too, not an encyclopedia. I can do more than just tell you what the English homework was for last night.
Which brings me to my next point--friends slowly slipping into moochers that just use me for academic help. I mean, I love my friends and all that, but I actually feel insulted when I'm just used as a reference guide. I don't have a problem with helping people, but I DO have a problem when I start losing friends along the way. That's just now what I expected, nor is it what I wanted.
I'm not going to point out any names, but for those people who have "used" me to look up the homework, carry your stuff, or just for convenience (you know who you are) and then set me aside, think about what you're really doing. It doesn't feel great to be shelved like a book--opened only when necessary. I'm human, too. I have feelings like the rest of you.
(this last paragraph is meant for a few specific people, and they know who they are, but it applies to everyone in a small way)
When I offer help, have you noticed how I don't really ask for much in return, just your appreciation for what I did? That's the bare minimum. Saying "thank you" is nice and all that, but it'd be so much better if you could talk to me a bit, too. I mean, we talk about our lives and stuff occasionally, but not so much as before. Instead, you use me for a bit and toss me aside...it's not the best feeling in the world. I know you're understanding, so please take my words into account.
I never thought I'd have to worry about THIS.
First off, as this year dragged on, I figured out what our class is becoming. I quickly realized that despite my growing generosity, I was really being "used" for schoolwork reference instead of being talked to. You know...I'm a human being, too, not an encyclopedia. I can do more than just tell you what the English homework was for last night.
Which brings me to my next point--friends slowly slipping into moochers that just use me for academic help. I mean, I love my friends and all that, but I actually feel insulted when I'm just used as a reference guide. I don't have a problem with helping people, but I DO have a problem when I start losing friends along the way. That's just now what I expected, nor is it what I wanted.
I'm not going to point out any names, but for those people who have "used" me to look up the homework, carry your stuff, or just for convenience (you know who you are) and then set me aside, think about what you're really doing. It doesn't feel great to be shelved like a book--opened only when necessary. I'm human, too. I have feelings like the rest of you.
(this last paragraph is meant for a few specific people, and they know who they are, but it applies to everyone in a small way)
When I offer help, have you noticed how I don't really ask for much in return, just your appreciation for what I did? That's the bare minimum. Saying "thank you" is nice and all that, but it'd be so much better if you could talk to me a bit, too. I mean, we talk about our lives and stuff occasionally, but not so much as before. Instead, you use me for a bit and toss me aside...it's not the best feeling in the world. I know you're understanding, so please take my words into account.
I never thought I'd have to worry about THIS.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
HI, I HAVE A QUESTION?
"Can you help me?"
"What is it?"
"I need help on my English project."
"Okay."
"What do you know about Lord of the Flies?"
"Did you read through the whole thing?"
"Yes, but no."
"...?"
"I don't get it."
"The book isn't that hard to understand."
"I don't get boring books and I don't want to get into it."
Wow. Wow. Wow. Someone just slap me in the face now and tell me I'm dreaming. I'm not going to summarize a whole book for someone not bothering to read it or even sparknote it. I dunno whether I should laugh or cry.
"What is it?"
"I need help on my English project."
"Okay."
"What do you know about Lord of the Flies?"
"Did you read through the whole thing?"
"Yes, but no."
"...?"
"I don't get it."
"The book isn't that hard to understand."
"I don't get boring books and I don't want to get into it."
Wow. Wow. Wow. Someone just slap me in the face now and tell me I'm dreaming. I'm not going to summarize a whole book for someone not bothering to read it or even sparknote it. I dunno whether I should laugh or cry.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
DISNEYLAND WHOO
4/30-5/3: pure fun
Okay, not entirely. I'm not going to lie, I love Disneyland, but this time, it could have been A LOT better.
Let's start out with the good:
1) Rides were fun
2) People were fun
3) Recording session was awesome
4) Unprecedented freedom (this was overlooked by a lot of people -.-)
Now for the not-so-goods:
1) Performance was horrible
2) Couldn't ride all the rides (I know, amazing, eh?)
3) Some people acted really strangely
4) There are some things...that only I can understand.
You might be reading this and be like, "WHOA WHO OR WHAT COULD'VE RUINED THE TRIP?" Well, the trip wasn't really RUINED; it just had too many big flaws (for me only). Let's count a few big ones:
1) I experienced "intentional ditching for unknown reasons"
2) I could have been treated better
3) To me, fireworks are something special, not simply light pollution (there are only 3 people that actually understand this, including me)
I'm keeping this note brief mainly because it's really hard to put some of this in words. Maybe part of this is my fault, maybe it isn't. Whatever the case, I still had fun, and it was well worth going.
It's just that every year I go to Disneyland, something really bad happens. How many times does the cycle need to continue?
Monday, April 13, 2009
Let's talk about break for a bit
SPRING BREAK IS HERE! YAY!
Fine, fine, it's almost half over at this point, and I'm sitting here in an internet cafe with nothing better to do. Anyway, let's start.
First off, this break, like the two previous to this one, is work-loaded. Entirely. I have to do like a bunch of homework EVERY DAY and it detracts from why I'm even here in Taiwan--spending time with relatives. Ah, what the heck. Teachers are teachers. They have no heart. Moving on...
It's been about four and a half years since I was last in Taiwan (yeah, call me culturally deprived). Now that I'm back here, I don't really know how to feel. Although I love seeing my grandma, she alone can't make everything better. My parents make me feel so...American (they literally translate everything for me, even when I can understand what's being said to me). Instead of enjoying my time here, I'm thrown into a position where people think I don't understand a thing about Taiwan just because I'm American-born and haven't been here in years.
Whatever. I need to leave this cafe now.
Fine, fine, it's almost half over at this point, and I'm sitting here in an internet cafe with nothing better to do. Anyway, let's start.
First off, this break, like the two previous to this one, is work-loaded. Entirely. I have to do like a bunch of homework EVERY DAY and it detracts from why I'm even here in Taiwan--spending time with relatives. Ah, what the heck. Teachers are teachers. They have no heart. Moving on...
It's been about four and a half years since I was last in Taiwan (yeah, call me culturally deprived). Now that I'm back here, I don't really know how to feel. Although I love seeing my grandma, she alone can't make everything better. My parents make me feel so...American (they literally translate everything for me, even when I can understand what's being said to me). Instead of enjoying my time here, I'm thrown into a position where people think I don't understand a thing about Taiwan just because I'm American-born and haven't been here in years.
Whatever. I need to leave this cafe now.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Let's talk
I KNOW that a lot of you use other people to communicate stuff to me. For instance, Person A tells Person B to tell me that he hates me or something like that.
Now I want to make a few things clear:
1) This form of communication is very...ineffective. If you're like Person A, you're just showing me that you're too afraid to confess your words directly. Say it like you mean it! It's the best way to get your point across. For instance, if you hit me and ran away and then told my friend to apologize for you, I would much rather hear the apology from you yourself.
(this method is also ripe for miscommunication)
2) If someone tells you to tell me something or w/e, tell them to try to reach me first. Should that be impossible, then go with the original plan.
3) Suppose you know that this one person did something bad to me and didn't apologize. While I appreciate your help, DO NOT go remind that person. It's up to him/her to realize what he/she has done wrong and apologize to me personally.
If you're wondering, I tend to forgive people who take action themselves much more easily.
Now I want to make a few things clear:
1) This form of communication is very...ineffective. If you're like Person A, you're just showing me that you're too afraid to confess your words directly. Say it like you mean it! It's the best way to get your point across. For instance, if you hit me and ran away and then told my friend to apologize for you, I would much rather hear the apology from you yourself.
(this method is also ripe for miscommunication)
2) If someone tells you to tell me something or w/e, tell them to try to reach me first. Should that be impossible, then go with the original plan.
3) Suppose you know that this one person did something bad to me and didn't apologize. While I appreciate your help, DO NOT go remind that person. It's up to him/her to realize what he/she has done wrong and apologize to me personally.
If you're wondering, I tend to forgive people who take action themselves much more easily.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Let's have a bit of faith...
It's 12:55AM and it doesn't seem like I'm going to be receiving the homework anytime soon. So let's talk...I've been wanting to do this for a while but schoolwork hates me DX
About a week ago, Claire and I talked a little about a very important lesson we learned at church (for her, at Alliance). The lesson: most of the little (and big) things in the world distract us from Jesus. Call me crazy, but both of us have been seeing it a lot in our lives lately. Homework, projects, YouTube, prom-talk (discussion only, no actual try-to-get-a-date or any of that stuff), etc...all of these things just drew us away from Him.
We may temporarily enjoy these things (or be so focused on them), but in the end, they're worth nothing when compared to Jesus. He is the one who brings us joy, He is the one keeping us strong. There is nothing greater than Him.
(sorry if my description is like...really bad. I'm extremely tired and my brain isn't fully functioning in terms of thought-processing)
Now a little more on faith. Recently, my dad gave me a little talk about how three months from now, the things that are currently stressing me won't matter as much. He is right in every way, EXCEPT this one line: "Even when God shuts the door on us, there's a window out."
The truth is, God will NEVER shut that door on us. He will always be there for me, for you, for everyone. When situations turn from bad to worse, I turn to Him for guidance. I cannot describe in words what He has done for me. He has never let me down before; He won't be doing so anytime soon.
Upon hearing those words from my dad, I was REALLY SHOCKED. He was in the church life all throughout his childhood, and all of his siblings are church leaders today. Even though my dad hasn't been to church for so long...I still couldn't believe he said that.
About a week ago, Claire and I talked a little about a very important lesson we learned at church (for her, at Alliance). The lesson: most of the little (and big) things in the world distract us from Jesus. Call me crazy, but both of us have been seeing it a lot in our lives lately. Homework, projects, YouTube, prom-talk (discussion only, no actual try-to-get-a-date or any of that stuff), etc...all of these things just drew us away from Him.
We may temporarily enjoy these things (or be so focused on them), but in the end, they're worth nothing when compared to Jesus. He is the one who brings us joy, He is the one keeping us strong. There is nothing greater than Him.
(sorry if my description is like...really bad. I'm extremely tired and my brain isn't fully functioning in terms of thought-processing)
Now a little more on faith. Recently, my dad gave me a little talk about how three months from now, the things that are currently stressing me won't matter as much. He is right in every way, EXCEPT this one line: "Even when God shuts the door on us, there's a window out."
The truth is, God will NEVER shut that door on us. He will always be there for me, for you, for everyone. When situations turn from bad to worse, I turn to Him for guidance. I cannot describe in words what He has done for me. He has never let me down before; He won't be doing so anytime soon.
Upon hearing those words from my dad, I was REALLY SHOCKED. He was in the church life all throughout his childhood, and all of his siblings are church leaders today. Even though my dad hasn't been to church for so long...I still couldn't believe he said that.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
my turn for FML?
Yeah, today was that bad. No, it's not about AP bio.
Today was our match against James Logan. Yes, I lost my match. No, that's not really why I'm extremely frustrated right now.
Before the game, I found out that my partner (we'll call him Person #1) decided to ditch today's match and not go. What. the. hell. He's my partner, for goodness sake. This forced me to play singles, which is not my strength, and in addition to a lack of warm-up time, I lost. Everyone loses, but not like this.
Now for after the match. Person #2 said he'd give me a ride home afterwards. Too bad that he LEFT BEFORE IT WAS EVEN OVER WITHOUT TELLING ME. I had to interrupt my dad and plead him to come over. Not what I wanted. At all.
So now for talk time:
Person #1: How can you do this to me? Ditching a match because "Strout never calls me during roll call and I don't feel like going"? What the hell are you on? We're partners, and we're not supposed to ditch each other just like that! You're lucky I didn't go tell Strout. Why? Because you're still my partner...I hope. Sometimes I hate being generous, and this is why! Think about others before you do such stupid actions! What kind of partner does what you just did?
Person #2: I thought you were a responsible person. I was dead wrong. You said you could give me a ride back. Even if you couldn't, which may have been the case, you could have at least TOLD ME. Instead, I had to wait there for nearly twenty minutes just so my dad could get to Logan to pick me up. And I had to interrupt him, too! Do you think this is fair to me? No, no, no, no, NO! I don't want to have to "remind" you every single time! You need to take responsibility for yourself, too!
In the end, if both of you are reading this (you know who you are), don't bother giving me an excuse. This is entirely unacceptable and unfair to me. Instead, think about what you've done.
Today was our match against James Logan. Yes, I lost my match. No, that's not really why I'm extremely frustrated right now.
Before the game, I found out that my partner (we'll call him Person #1) decided to ditch today's match and not go. What. the. hell. He's my partner, for goodness sake. This forced me to play singles, which is not my strength, and in addition to a lack of warm-up time, I lost. Everyone loses, but not like this.
Now for after the match. Person #2 said he'd give me a ride home afterwards. Too bad that he LEFT BEFORE IT WAS EVEN OVER WITHOUT TELLING ME. I had to interrupt my dad and plead him to come over. Not what I wanted. At all.
So now for talk time:
Person #1: How can you do this to me? Ditching a match because "Strout never calls me during roll call and I don't feel like going"? What the hell are you on? We're partners, and we're not supposed to ditch each other just like that! You're lucky I didn't go tell Strout. Why? Because you're still my partner...I hope. Sometimes I hate being generous, and this is why! Think about others before you do such stupid actions! What kind of partner does what you just did?
Person #2: I thought you were a responsible person. I was dead wrong. You said you could give me a ride back. Even if you couldn't, which may have been the case, you could have at least TOLD ME. Instead, I had to wait there for nearly twenty minutes just so my dad could get to Logan to pick me up. And I had to interrupt him, too! Do you think this is fair to me? No, no, no, no, NO! I don't want to have to "remind" you every single time! You need to take responsibility for yourself, too!
In the end, if both of you are reading this (you know who you are), don't bother giving me an excuse. This is entirely unacceptable and unfair to me. Instead, think about what you've done.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
"Do you know what it feels like--" whoa, whoa, whoa...
Last week, I had this interesting conversation with an "upset" person. She felt troubled, discouraged, anything related to sad. So she asked if I wanted to talk, and I said, "Sure, why not?"
(This is that same person I mentioned in some of my more recent blog posts.)
We discussed a few things, but the sentence that struck out the most was her saying, "Some days, I wake up worrying if I can keep myself alive for the rest of the day."
Whoa, stop right there.
We've all had our depressing moments, those times when we feel that everything is going wrong and there's no point in setting things write. For some people, they just want to end it right there. For this person, it probably isn't much different. Yes, I've been there, too. But I pulled myself out. How, you ask.
It's not that hard, really. Life sucks at some points; we have to take it, whether we like it or not. Moping about it may be the thing in our mindsets, but outside, it doesn't really help.
In addition, even if we feel the urge to end it all, we forget one really important fact: we are more fortunate than 50% of the world (no joke). We, here even in IHS, have things that other people can only dream of having. We get "free" education, we have durable homes, we have people looking out after us, the list goes on.
Back to our main person here. Is it worth it to end it just because you lost a bunch of badminton matches and for some other things that went horribly wrong in your life? I know you take losses really hard, and I don't blame you. But taking it this far will only make things worse. In fact, there is a time for all of us to just think to ourselves, "Why am I thinking this way?" The answer is solely up to you.
As Randy Pausch once said, "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." In the end, take your life and make the best of it. And remember--there are always those less fortunate than you, and there is always someone looking out for you.
(This is that same person I mentioned in some of my more recent blog posts.)
We discussed a few things, but the sentence that struck out the most was her saying, "Some days, I wake up worrying if I can keep myself alive for the rest of the day."
Whoa, stop right there.
We've all had our depressing moments, those times when we feel that everything is going wrong and there's no point in setting things write. For some people, they just want to end it right there. For this person, it probably isn't much different. Yes, I've been there, too. But I pulled myself out. How, you ask.
It's not that hard, really. Life sucks at some points; we have to take it, whether we like it or not. Moping about it may be the thing in our mindsets, but outside, it doesn't really help.
In addition, even if we feel the urge to end it all, we forget one really important fact: we are more fortunate than 50% of the world (no joke). We, here even in IHS, have things that other people can only dream of having. We get "free" education, we have durable homes, we have people looking out after us, the list goes on.
Back to our main person here. Is it worth it to end it just because you lost a bunch of badminton matches and for some other things that went horribly wrong in your life? I know you take losses really hard, and I don't blame you. But taking it this far will only make things worse. In fact, there is a time for all of us to just think to ourselves, "Why am I thinking this way?" The answer is solely up to you.
As Randy Pausch once said, "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." In the end, take your life and make the best of it. And remember--there are always those less fortunate than you, and there is always someone looking out for you.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Friday the 13th (2nd month in a row :O)
Friday the 13th is always a fun day. Awesome things happen or...gruesome things happen. Thankfully, tonight was an awesome night.
(No, I'm not talking about Sadies; I didn't go.) Instead, I went to YP (Young People) meeting. (It's for the youth at Church in Fremont.)
Today, we talked about the conscience and what it means to have a pure conscience. After much thought today, the pure conscience is one that isn't conflicted and is for God only, nothing else. This conscience is what is needed when praying to God.
(now for the fun part)
People who normally have a "bad" conscience are the people who don't admit their mistakes, cover up other people's faults, or simply don't listen to that voice in their heads that says, "Do the right thing!" I know, I know, we've all been there, even me. But when we let ourselves become driven by emotion, fear, anger, or other conflicting thoughts, we turn away from our own judgment of what is right or wrong. I'm not saying that we should never listen to others (we should), but our common sense and good judgment is and will always be more important than everything else.
Now that I think about it, I've been in this situation too many times. Being emotionally driven, not confessing my mistakes to let it out of my system...all these things took me away from pure conscience, away from God. I'm not perfect, but I will, from this day on, always keep God in mind; when I go to Him, I use my pure, raw conscience--nothing else will matter.
I know that what I said might make no sense at all to some of you, but just try to understand the second to last paragraph...you may learn something about yourself :)
(No, I'm not talking about Sadies; I didn't go.) Instead, I went to YP (Young People) meeting. (It's for the youth at Church in Fremont.)
Today, we talked about the conscience and what it means to have a pure conscience. After much thought today, the pure conscience is one that isn't conflicted and is for God only, nothing else. This conscience is what is needed when praying to God.
(now for the fun part)
People who normally have a "bad" conscience are the people who don't admit their mistakes, cover up other people's faults, or simply don't listen to that voice in their heads that says, "Do the right thing!" I know, I know, we've all been there, even me. But when we let ourselves become driven by emotion, fear, anger, or other conflicting thoughts, we turn away from our own judgment of what is right or wrong. I'm not saying that we should never listen to others (we should), but our common sense and good judgment is and will always be more important than everything else.
Now that I think about it, I've been in this situation too many times. Being emotionally driven, not confessing my mistakes to let it out of my system...all these things took me away from pure conscience, away from God. I'm not perfect, but I will, from this day on, always keep God in mind; when I go to Him, I use my pure, raw conscience--nothing else will matter.
I know that what I said might make no sense at all to some of you, but just try to understand the second to last paragraph...you may learn something about yourself :)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Not again...
About a week or so ago, my carpool talked about quitting badminton to help her extremely illiterate UN group. I thought, "I guess that's reasonable..."
Yeah, it is, BUT...I am now left without a ride.
Maybe you could've told me A DAY EARLIER if you were going to quit, because now I have to ask different people every day for a ride home! I can't do that forever! At least tell me if something's going to happen!
People these days...caught up in whatever they need to do to the point where they forget about those around them...what a shame.
All in all, GEE, THANKS for leaving me here.
Yeah, it is, BUT...I am now left without a ride.
Maybe you could've told me A DAY EARLIER if you were going to quit, because now I have to ask different people every day for a ride home! I can't do that forever! At least tell me if something's going to happen!
People these days...caught up in whatever they need to do to the point where they forget about those around them...what a shame.
All in all, GEE, THANKS for leaving me here.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
It's done. I knew it.
You did it.
You chose to give up on me, to never believe that I can get better.
Now I'm all up for grabs. No one knows what's going to happen now. Thanks to you.
This year, I came to badminton hoping for a successful season. That thought has now turned, and I need a much different way of getting there. At least I can still do what you can never do--believe and trust.
You chose to give up on me, to never believe that I can get better.
Now I'm all up for grabs. No one knows what's going to happen now. Thanks to you.
This year, I came to badminton hoping for a successful season. That thought has now turned, and I need a much different way of getting there. At least I can still do what you can never do--believe and trust.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Oh, really?
(This is a follow up to my post on 3/3)
I know you're mad.
I know you're stressed.
I know you want to kick something right now.
I'm not going to lie--I feel the same way. I also know that both of us are very hard-working and want to achieve the same goal--to be the best we can be. Unfortunately, we have very different ways of getting there.
You want to get there by making me feel afraid.
I want to get there by working hard with you.
With your mindset, all you care about is getting there. You don't care what really happens to everyone else. I used to think that way...and it cost me heavily.
Not to say that I'm completely emotionally driven, but I know enough to the point where I have to consider how others think. Throwing dirty words to your own teammate isn't really what I had in mind. Both of us are upset, and both of us know that we're going to have a really rough road ahead of us.
If you don't think that I'm taking my responsibility for my part, then I would have quit a long time ago. This brings me to my next point--venting all our frustration out. I admit--I sometimes find myself in cases where I can't control myself. Yesterday was an example. You saw how I took it out on people.
This proves how I'm not much different than you. I make the same mistakes you make, you say I cause almost all the troubles. I did the exact same things. Where do we go from here?
There's only one direction to go--forward. Because we're still partners, we have to trust each other. Without that trust, nothing else can happen, and all those hours of training will just go to waste.
I know you're mad.
I know you're stressed.
I know you want to kick something right now.
I'm not going to lie--I feel the same way. I also know that both of us are very hard-working and want to achieve the same goal--to be the best we can be. Unfortunately, we have very different ways of getting there.
You want to get there by making me feel afraid.
I want to get there by working hard with you.
With your mindset, all you care about is getting there. You don't care what really happens to everyone else. I used to think that way...and it cost me heavily.
Not to say that I'm completely emotionally driven, but I know enough to the point where I have to consider how others think. Throwing dirty words to your own teammate isn't really what I had in mind. Both of us are upset, and both of us know that we're going to have a really rough road ahead of us.
If you don't think that I'm taking my responsibility for my part, then I would have quit a long time ago. This brings me to my next point--venting all our frustration out. I admit--I sometimes find myself in cases where I can't control myself. Yesterday was an example. You saw how I took it out on people.
This proves how I'm not much different than you. I make the same mistakes you make, you say I cause almost all the troubles. I did the exact same things. Where do we go from here?
There's only one direction to go--forward. Because we're still partners, we have to trust each other. Without that trust, nothing else can happen, and all those hours of training will just go to waste.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I'm losing it...
Of all days, March 3, 2009 was just one of those days where everything that could've gone wrong went wrong. I woke up sick, nearly fell asleep in the first three periods just from medicine side effects, failed the bio unit test, and just lost my sweatshirt.
But my stress has just received some more building blocks...
Okay, so we were playing mixed doubles against several people. We lost to them, some by a few points, some by several points. And then you give me "a way to feel better" by saying:
"Really, I don't trust you right now. Sometimes I'd rather play singles than mixed with you."
Uh huh. "Constructive criticism." Too bad it's so faulty.
Yes, I do realize that I need to train harder. I have a long way to go. But I'm not the only one--you do, too. Also, it's not proper to "encourage" someone by saying, "I don't trust you." Now I even wonder: if I agreed to play mixed with you, then how did it end up like this?
Truthfully, I did not trust you in the beginning at first, either. But I never said it. Why? Two reasons:
1) I didn't want to hurt you.
2) I thought you could improve.
Of course I want to improve. Of course I want to be really proficient. But you saying that doesn't make me feel better. Do I feel better dragging people down? NO.
I can take the criticism, but I can't take the fact that I'm pulling everyone down. Mixed doubles is a team effort. You don't get better by destroying the self-esteem of others. I have enough troubles already.
But my stress has just received some more building blocks...
Okay, so we were playing mixed doubles against several people. We lost to them, some by a few points, some by several points. And then you give me "a way to feel better" by saying:
"Really, I don't trust you right now. Sometimes I'd rather play singles than mixed with you."
Uh huh. "Constructive criticism." Too bad it's so faulty.
Yes, I do realize that I need to train harder. I have a long way to go. But I'm not the only one--you do, too. Also, it's not proper to "encourage" someone by saying, "I don't trust you." Now I even wonder: if I agreed to play mixed with you, then how did it end up like this?
Truthfully, I did not trust you in the beginning at first, either. But I never said it. Why? Two reasons:
1) I didn't want to hurt you.
2) I thought you could improve.
Of course I want to improve. Of course I want to be really proficient. But you saying that doesn't make me feel better. Do I feel better dragging people down? NO.
I can take the criticism, but I can't take the fact that I'm pulling everyone down. Mixed doubles is a team effort. You don't get better by destroying the self-esteem of others. I have enough troubles already.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I am such a frickin' idiot
I can't believe I forgot.
Apparently, last Saturday was Tavis's (fellow Boy Scout) Court of Honor. I wasn't required to attend, but I wanted to because we had so much fun at summer camp this past summer.
Saturday, Feb. 21 came and passed. And I was completely oblivious to this. All I was focusing on was Project B, and Project B only. For that day, nothing else mattered to me.
Now I might never see Tavis again. All because of me throwing everything aside just for one class.
People say that you must make sacrifices when taking more demanding sacrifices. That's true, but the REAL question is, "What will you sacrifice? And what may you unintentionally put aside?"
Now that I think of it, taking AP bio has forced me to put aside a lot of things that used to matter. I'm not saying that it shouldn't; my free time was going to go away eventually. But I let the class, and school itself, take control of my life almost completely. I'm not even that conscious of the decisions I make anymore. How long will it be before I forget more major dates or, even worse, forget to do certain things.
I need control over my life again.
Apparently, last Saturday was Tavis's (fellow Boy Scout) Court of Honor. I wasn't required to attend, but I wanted to because we had so much fun at summer camp this past summer.
Saturday, Feb. 21 came and passed. And I was completely oblivious to this. All I was focusing on was Project B, and Project B only. For that day, nothing else mattered to me.
Now I might never see Tavis again. All because of me throwing everything aside just for one class.
People say that you must make sacrifices when taking more demanding sacrifices. That's true, but the REAL question is, "What will you sacrifice? And what may you unintentionally put aside?"
Now that I think of it, taking AP bio has forced me to put aside a lot of things that used to matter. I'm not saying that it shouldn't; my free time was going to go away eventually. But I let the class, and school itself, take control of my life almost completely. I'm not even that conscious of the decisions I make anymore. How long will it be before I forget more major dates or, even worse, forget to do certain things.
I need control over my life again.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Hello, this is Elsa's Cleaning Service. We're here to take your cash.
On 1/21/09, Elsa Posada, the person who owns Elsa's Cleaning Service, came by my house to see what her workers do here. Her cleaning service has been here once a month every month for the last six years. But JUST NOW...she thinks she realizes a problem.
(I'm trying to the best of my ability to decipher her handwriting)
"I came today to see why they spend so much time on your house. And I notice that on the bedroom across from the hall bathroom is completely fool with toys on the floor. So that's for we spend time to pick up a lot of things on the floor (#1). Downstairs is toys and shoes, too many to pick up. So if you want to for me to clean and pick up and put away is going to cost more. Otherwise:
#1: Leave it simple, vacuum, dusting clean bathrooms, make beds, mopping cleaned kitchen, wils (I don't know what it says) it is why you paid $155.
#2: I can't pick up so many things there are in the way to vacuum for that money. $170 will cost including #2.
Please let me (can't decipher word). I just leave it the way $155 BUT we don't pick up the mess in on those rooms. Thank you."
(I'm trying to the best of my ability to decipher her handwriting)
"I came today to see why they spend so much time on your house. And I notice that on the bedroom across from the hall bathroom is completely fool with toys on the floor. So that's for we spend time to pick up a lot of things on the floor (#1). Downstairs is toys and shoes, too many to pick up. So if you want to for me to clean and pick up and put away is going to cost more. Otherwise:
#1: Leave it simple, vacuum, dusting clean bathrooms, make beds, mopping cleaned kitchen, wils (I don't know what it says) it is why you paid $155.
#2: I can't pick up so many things there are in the way to vacuum for that money. $170 will cost including #2.
Please let me (can't decipher word). I just leave it the way $155 BUT we don't pick up the mess in on those rooms. Thank you."
ELSA POSADA
OKAY, SO thank you for your opinion, Elsa. Too bad it's so full of bad points.
Being a freak over this stuff, I will be kind enough to point out why I hate your letter:
1) It's too hard to understand. Especially for #2, you referred to it again in that statement. What...are you talking about? If you want a problem to be solved, at least say it in a manner easy to understand. Apparently, some people still don't get the fact that you have to be coherent when stating a point...
2) What is "a long time" to you? Often, when the workers are here, I'm home, and they're almost always done within half an hour! And the entire house gets cleaned! To me, that's not "a long time," like you say!
3) According to you, my parents have to pay you for things you want us to do ourselves. Let's see...dusting, mopping, vacuuming...HELLO, there's a reason why we hired you in the first place six years ago! You guessed it...to do the mopping, vacuuming, etc.!
Okay, I admit, the toys lying around were most likely my fault because of a New Year's party with kids over here. If you asked me to do just that, sure. But you just had to accuse us of doing things YOU'RE supposed to do.
Some final thoughts:
Well, Elsa, looks like you're sick of doing all the work for us. Okay, fine with me. We'll follow your suggestions. My family and I can clean the whole house ourselves, no problem. But there's a twist...YOU won't get paid! Why? If you expect us to do what you said, that's practically cleaning the house. Therefore, you deemed your service to be of little use! We're not giving you $155 to do things we can just do ourselves!
Oh, and I found out that you broke part of my USS Missouri ship that I spent so many hours on. Gee, thanks. I really appreciate it. *get the hell out of here*
OKAY, SO thank you for your opinion, Elsa. Too bad it's so full of bad points.
Being a freak over this stuff, I will be kind enough to point out why I hate your letter:
1) It's too hard to understand. Especially for #2, you referred to it again in that statement. What...are you talking about? If you want a problem to be solved, at least say it in a manner easy to understand. Apparently, some people still don't get the fact that you have to be coherent when stating a point...
2) What is "a long time" to you? Often, when the workers are here, I'm home, and they're almost always done within half an hour! And the entire house gets cleaned! To me, that's not "a long time," like you say!
3) According to you, my parents have to pay you for things you want us to do ourselves. Let's see...dusting, mopping, vacuuming...HELLO, there's a reason why we hired you in the first place six years ago! You guessed it...to do the mopping, vacuuming, etc.!
Okay, I admit, the toys lying around were most likely my fault because of a New Year's party with kids over here. If you asked me to do just that, sure. But you just had to accuse us of doing things YOU'RE supposed to do.
Some final thoughts:
Well, Elsa, looks like you're sick of doing all the work for us. Okay, fine with me. We'll follow your suggestions. My family and I can clean the whole house ourselves, no problem. But there's a twist...YOU won't get paid! Why? If you expect us to do what you said, that's practically cleaning the house. Therefore, you deemed your service to be of little use! We're not giving you $155 to do things we can just do ourselves!
Oh, and I found out that you broke part of my USS Missouri ship that I spent so many hours on. Gee, thanks. I really appreciate it. *get the hell out of here*
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
No More DCON
Tonight I realized that DCON payments were due tomorrow, so I went to remind my parents.
Oh, the irony.
My dad apparently forgot what DCON was, so I told him what it was, when it is...then he stopped me there. Once I mentioned that I would have to miss a school day, he had that skeptical look on his face. I immediately knew what he was about to say: I should really stay here and go to school.
Now don't get me wrong--school IS more important. In fact, it was the one thing that kept me from deciding whether or not I should go. But now that my dad mentioned it, he makes me feel like I wanted to pay $360 to waste my time and be unproductive in SoCal.
I wanted to say something against that...but I knew if that I tried arguing, I would not only lose, but I would also get yelled at.
This is what I hate about arguing...even if it's for a good cause, it almost never gets anywhere. Especially not with parents--they don't care what the case is; you argue once, you die.
Oh, the irony.
My dad apparently forgot what DCON was, so I told him what it was, when it is...then he stopped me there. Once I mentioned that I would have to miss a school day, he had that skeptical look on his face. I immediately knew what he was about to say: I should really stay here and go to school.
Now don't get me wrong--school IS more important. In fact, it was the one thing that kept me from deciding whether or not I should go. But now that my dad mentioned it, he makes me feel like I wanted to pay $360 to waste my time and be unproductive in SoCal.
I wanted to say something against that...but I knew if that I tried arguing, I would not only lose, but I would also get yelled at.
This is what I hate about arguing...even if it's for a good cause, it almost never gets anywhere. Especially not with parents--they don't care what the case is; you argue once, you die.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Finding God again
Tonight was a huge night. And I'm not talking just about the honor band concert. This is something even bigger. Yep...it was IHS Praise Night.
Even though I ran in an hour late, I still got the most out of it. Quoc was there, talking about what God means to us, how He is there for us, and how He will save us. After he was done sharing his hilarious, yet very meaningful, stories, everyone came down...for one big worship fest.
I have to say, that was THE time of tonight. The highlight, however, was when Quoc asked those who were struggling to come to the side of the stage. I decided to go. When he came to me, I told him the whole story--how those two kids discouraged me from going back to church so many years ago, how my parents never told me why they don't go to church anymore, how I've just recently been trying to just get back to God again.
Quoc told me, "You've come to the right place."
Then we prayed. He prayed for my family, for me to find the church where I truly belong, for my household to open up to God again, to turn my life around and head in the right direction.
I'm going to admit straightforward--that was the first time I shed tears for an extremely long time.
Coincidentally, Quoc came to me while one of my favorite worship songs was playing--Mighty To Save. Now that I think about it, it means something. "My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save." He is here to save me, to help me get back to Him.
After that, there was only one thing to do--join in with everyone else and sing in God's name.
When I came home, I finally found the courage to ask my mom about why we've left church for so long. Her response shocked me. In actuality, my parents never found the right church, never found the place where they belonged. This is actually how I felt--I didn't know where to go for so long. But after tonight, I now know that there is a place for me. I have had one friend in particular invite me over to his church. You're going to get an answer pretty quickly :).
Even though this was a huge night, there's still a road for me ahead. But with Him, all things are possible.
Let's not forget the verse that sums up this whole night:
"Don't worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask and pray. Give thanks to Him." --Philippians 4:6
Even though I ran in an hour late, I still got the most out of it. Quoc was there, talking about what God means to us, how He is there for us, and how He will save us. After he was done sharing his hilarious, yet very meaningful, stories, everyone came down...for one big worship fest.
I have to say, that was THE time of tonight. The highlight, however, was when Quoc asked those who were struggling to come to the side of the stage. I decided to go. When he came to me, I told him the whole story--how those two kids discouraged me from going back to church so many years ago, how my parents never told me why they don't go to church anymore, how I've just recently been trying to just get back to God again.
Quoc told me, "You've come to the right place."
Then we prayed. He prayed for my family, for me to find the church where I truly belong, for my household to open up to God again, to turn my life around and head in the right direction.
I'm going to admit straightforward--that was the first time I shed tears for an extremely long time.
Coincidentally, Quoc came to me while one of my favorite worship songs was playing--Mighty To Save. Now that I think about it, it means something. "My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save." He is here to save me, to help me get back to Him.
After that, there was only one thing to do--join in with everyone else and sing in God's name.
When I came home, I finally found the courage to ask my mom about why we've left church for so long. Her response shocked me. In actuality, my parents never found the right church, never found the place where they belonged. This is actually how I felt--I didn't know where to go for so long. But after tonight, I now know that there is a place for me. I have had one friend in particular invite me over to his church. You're going to get an answer pretty quickly :).
Even though this was a huge night, there's still a road for me ahead. But with Him, all things are possible.
Let's not forget the verse that sums up this whole night:
"Don't worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask and pray. Give thanks to Him." --Philippians 4:6
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Dinner, dinner, din--EXCUSE ME?
It's Saturday night, and that means eating out with family friends! Fun time! Talk time!
Yeah...not really. At least not this time.
During these dinners, it's the same old story. My parents sit down with their friends and they talk about everything--kids, recipes (especially), work, the bad economy, and such. This time, the hot topic was, believe it or not, my braces! Who would've thought? Okay, well, that was the topic for like thirty seconds...
My mom's friends asked me when I got braces. Of course, I told them the story, including the wisdom teeth extraction. Then they asked me why I decided to get all four removed. I was about to tell them until my dad suddenly said, "Okay, time to order!"
He didn't even say, "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry" or any of that. What. The. Heck. Then all the attention shifted to him, leaving me there. Just "there." No one even remembered me saying anything.
LATER ON, while we were eating, we talked about some other stuff ("we" meaning that I'm excluded). When I started talking after an awkward silence, my dad broke in again. This time, I rolled my eyes (big mistake). My mom caught it and said, "Wait for your turn! Be courteous!"
WELL, EXCUSE ME. Who's the one who interrupted me like three minutes later?
And I'm the one accused of butting in. Come on! In our Socratics at school, when two people speak at the same time, both pause and decide on who should go first. When it comes to all adults and one kid, for the first time ever, I have like no voice. At all. I understand that my parents' family friends have so many more things to talk about, but when I talk...bam. I get shut out instantly.
Life isn't fair. Yeah, I get it. Sadly, so few people know the second part of the saying: "But you should be."
And my own parents, too. They spent fifteen years telling me to be courteous to others and they interrupt me without knowing that I was talking? What hypocrites.
To be honest, I haven't been this angry at my parents for a very long time.
Yeah...not really. At least not this time.
During these dinners, it's the same old story. My parents sit down with their friends and they talk about everything--kids, recipes (especially), work, the bad economy, and such. This time, the hot topic was, believe it or not, my braces! Who would've thought? Okay, well, that was the topic for like thirty seconds...
My mom's friends asked me when I got braces. Of course, I told them the story, including the wisdom teeth extraction. Then they asked me why I decided to get all four removed. I was about to tell them until my dad suddenly said, "Okay, time to order!"
He didn't even say, "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry" or any of that. What. The. Heck. Then all the attention shifted to him, leaving me there. Just "there." No one even remembered me saying anything.
LATER ON, while we were eating, we talked about some other stuff ("we" meaning that I'm excluded). When I started talking after an awkward silence, my dad broke in again. This time, I rolled my eyes (big mistake). My mom caught it and said, "Wait for your turn! Be courteous!"
WELL, EXCUSE ME. Who's the one who interrupted me like three minutes later?
And I'm the one accused of butting in. Come on! In our Socratics at school, when two people speak at the same time, both pause and decide on who should go first. When it comes to all adults and one kid, for the first time ever, I have like no voice. At all. I understand that my parents' family friends have so many more things to talk about, but when I talk...bam. I get shut out instantly.
Life isn't fair. Yeah, I get it. Sadly, so few people know the second part of the saying: "But you should be."
And my own parents, too. They spent fifteen years telling me to be courteous to others and they interrupt me without knowing that I was talking? What hypocrites.
To be honest, I haven't been this angry at my parents for a very long time.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Wow. Just wow.
Mrs. Black just recently told us about a Newsweek poll she found that asked a very interesting question. It said, "How often do you think about the soldiers in Iraq?"
Look at the results. 65% of the people who voted on that poll don't care at all.
My first instinct was, "Of course I care! I have a friend serving in Iraq right now! He was my role model!" But then I stopped to think. Did I REALLY care about his safety every day? I will answer this truthfully: no.
When he first joined the Marines four years ago, I was worried sick when he first headed to Iraq. When he returned after six months, I was overjoyed. But as time went by, I found myself caring less and less and focusing on the more important things in my life. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that school isn't important, but that there are things in life that are easily overlooked.
That friend once told me that it's not worth it to worry sick about him every day like a mother would, otherwise I'll never be happy. That's true, but there were just days when I didn't think about him. The last thing I would want is a soldier coming home and finding out that no one cares anymore.
Why would more than half of us not care about the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan right now? Maybe it's because we're all too caught up in our schoolwork to think about anything else. Maybe we just didn't care about how other people feel at all.
Right now, I'm back to that feeling I had when my friend left for Iraq. I didn't want him to leave. I only wanted him to be safe. Now he's out there, doing what he feels is right. He has never asked much of me, but I feel that I need to pray for his safety, which I haven't done for a while. It's the least I could do for someone who's done so much for me.
The bottom line: think about the people who have done so much for you but asked for little in return. These people are not meant to be taken for granted. Thank them. Most importantly, appreciate them.
Look at the results. 65% of the people who voted on that poll don't care at all.
My first instinct was, "Of course I care! I have a friend serving in Iraq right now! He was my role model!" But then I stopped to think. Did I REALLY care about his safety every day? I will answer this truthfully: no.
When he first joined the Marines four years ago, I was worried sick when he first headed to Iraq. When he returned after six months, I was overjoyed. But as time went by, I found myself caring less and less and focusing on the more important things in my life. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that school isn't important, but that there are things in life that are easily overlooked.
That friend once told me that it's not worth it to worry sick about him every day like a mother would, otherwise I'll never be happy. That's true, but there were just days when I didn't think about him. The last thing I would want is a soldier coming home and finding out that no one cares anymore.
Why would more than half of us not care about the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan right now? Maybe it's because we're all too caught up in our schoolwork to think about anything else. Maybe we just didn't care about how other people feel at all.
Right now, I'm back to that feeling I had when my friend left for Iraq. I didn't want him to leave. I only wanted him to be safe. Now he's out there, doing what he feels is right. He has never asked much of me, but I feel that I need to pray for his safety, which I haven't done for a while. It's the least I could do for someone who's done so much for me.
The bottom line: think about the people who have done so much for you but asked for little in return. These people are not meant to be taken for granted. Thank them. Most importantly, appreciate them.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wise words of the past
When I was in eighth grade, Miss Chiu had a saying:
"Everyone must DO mathematics to LEARN mathematics.... Other group members can be an immense resource for answering your questions; but, most importantly, they will help you by giving you many opportunities to help them. You will know the material best when you explain it to someone else."
Honestly, in her class, I was often the person begging for help. I was the one being helped all the time. The people helping me were all immensely smarter; I didn't feel that I was helping them so much.
Fast-forward to now. Last night, I helped a friend review for our precalc final. As we went through the various problems, I actually saw how clearly I understood them. All the horrors of logarithms and trig didn't seem that bad once I was explaining them.
Heh...algebra 2/trig was such a brutal, competitive world, now that I think about it. But it opened up a window to opportunity--the chance to help others.
Claire, if you're reading this, I hope I provided enough support for you to do well :)
"Everyone must DO mathematics to LEARN mathematics.... Other group members can be an immense resource for answering your questions; but, most importantly, they will help you by giving you many opportunities to help them. You will know the material best when you explain it to someone else."
Honestly, in her class, I was often the person begging for help. I was the one being helped all the time. The people helping me were all immensely smarter; I didn't feel that I was helping them so much.
Fast-forward to now. Last night, I helped a friend review for our precalc final. As we went through the various problems, I actually saw how clearly I understood them. All the horrors of logarithms and trig didn't seem that bad once I was explaining them.
Heh...algebra 2/trig was such a brutal, competitive world, now that I think about it. But it opened up a window to opportunity--the chance to help others.
Claire, if you're reading this, I hope I provided enough support for you to do well :)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I admit it
What did I do today? More importantly, what happened to me today?
Fourth period (AP bio) was what nearly set me off. There's this one kid who sits next to me and, every day, makes strange (and often unnecessary) breathing noises. I know he has asthma, but most of my asthmatic friends don't make such noises. To make matters worse, he had gum in his mouth, and every five seconds, he would make a sucking/cracking sound with it.
I told him to stop at least ten times. Every one of those times, he denied doing it. The combination of breathing and gum noises was almost enough to tip me off. I'll be honest--part of me just wanted to smack him in the face. But I didn't. I resisted that urge.
After that period, during lunch, I was still in that same foul mood...and I let that get the better of me. I snapped at people, not thinking of how they would feel. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry, but at the same time, I don't. Maybe it was because I was sick of being called "the end of the world," according to Al Gore (it's a joke that some people interpreted stupidly). Or maybe it was because of the fact that I was upset with a bunch of people in general.
Whatever the case, I did experience some important things today, things that I don't come across very often:
-It's really important to control emotions. Had I not been able to, I could've injured somebody, landed in the RC, or worse.
-There will always be people who will never listen, no matter how many times you talk to them. The easiest thing for me to do was to hit that kid and make him spit out his gum. But who am I to do such a thing? Just because it's easy doesn't mean it's RIGHT.
-It's not a matter of what happens, but how we deal with what happens.
To wrap things up, I really need to prepare for my finals. I just thought I'd let these thoughts out before I go completely insane.
Fourth period (AP bio) was what nearly set me off. There's this one kid who sits next to me and, every day, makes strange (and often unnecessary) breathing noises. I know he has asthma, but most of my asthmatic friends don't make such noises. To make matters worse, he had gum in his mouth, and every five seconds, he would make a sucking/cracking sound with it.
I told him to stop at least ten times. Every one of those times, he denied doing it. The combination of breathing and gum noises was almost enough to tip me off. I'll be honest--part of me just wanted to smack him in the face. But I didn't. I resisted that urge.
After that period, during lunch, I was still in that same foul mood...and I let that get the better of me. I snapped at people, not thinking of how they would feel. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry, but at the same time, I don't. Maybe it was because I was sick of being called "the end of the world," according to Al Gore (it's a joke that some people interpreted stupidly). Or maybe it was because of the fact that I was upset with a bunch of people in general.
Whatever the case, I did experience some important things today, things that I don't come across very often:
-It's really important to control emotions. Had I not been able to, I could've injured somebody, landed in the RC, or worse.
-There will always be people who will never listen, no matter how many times you talk to them. The easiest thing for me to do was to hit that kid and make him spit out his gum. But who am I to do such a thing? Just because it's easy doesn't mean it's RIGHT.
-It's not a matter of what happens, but how we deal with what happens.
To wrap things up, I really need to prepare for my finals. I just thought I'd let these thoughts out before I go completely insane.
SOME people are really forgetful...
SOOOO for our lovely Oedipus Rex essay, I've been asked a number of questions regarding:
1) prompt
2) MLA
3) random stuff
Seriously, some of this stuff was like "flat-in-your-face." As I answered all these questions, I couldn't help but wonder--what did people learn last year?
Apparently, not all the English teachers focused enough on MLA. I even had to teach some people how to format their whole papers!!
I'm going to be honest here--it's good helping people out. But how far does "helping" go until it becomes "doing the work for them"? I mean--I'm here to help, not to do your homework!
I wonder how long my generosity can hold before it takes advantage of me...
1) prompt
2) MLA
3) random stuff
Seriously, some of this stuff was like "flat-in-your-face." As I answered all these questions, I couldn't help but wonder--what did people learn last year?
Apparently, not all the English teachers focused enough on MLA. I even had to teach some people how to format their whole papers!!
I'm going to be honest here--it's good helping people out. But how far does "helping" go until it becomes "doing the work for them"? I mean--I'm here to help, not to do your homework!
I wonder how long my generosity can hold before it takes advantage of me...
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I do stupid things 65% of the time D=
Directions:
Mark which things you have done, then calculate your score by counting the number of questions you marked. This test is out of 100 questions which means that the number you get as your score is also your percentage. Tag all of your friends, and re-post as "I do stupid things __% of the time."
1. [] Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. [x] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. [x] Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. [x] Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. [] Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not, or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. [x] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush
8. [x] Have looked for something for at least 5 min then realized it was in your hand
9. [x] Tried to push open a door that said pull
10.[ x] Tried to pull open a door that said push
Running total: 8
11. [ ] Have actually believed someone when they said that they
knew how to make a love-potion
12. [ x] Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. [x ] Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. [x] Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. [ ] Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. [ ] Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. [x] Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. [x] Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. [x] Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. [] Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
Running total: 14
21. [x] Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. [ ] Have fallen out of a moving vehicle
23. [x] Have run into a closed door (it was my own T_T)
25. [ ] Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. [x] It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. [ ] Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. [x] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. [ ] Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
Running total: 18
31. [x] After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. [ x] Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. [x] Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. [x ]Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property (almost xD)
35. [x] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc when its on, even though you knew it was hot
36. [x] Taken off your clothes to change into something else then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. [x]Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. [] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. [x] Walked into a pole
40. [ ] Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident/stolen someones shoes by accident
Running total: 26
41. [x] Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. [x ] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on
43. [x]Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. [x ] Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. [x] Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there, you forgot what it is was that you were going to do (all the time...=D)
46. [x] Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. [x] Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. [] Have poked yourself in the eye (more like people poked me in the eye =P)
49. [] Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. [ ] Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
Running total: 33
51. [] Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. [x] Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. [x] Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. [x] Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was
55. [] Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were.
56. [x] Looked into an overhead purposefully while it was on
57. [x] Got up early and got ready for school/work, then realized that you didn't have school/work that day
58. [x] Forgot your own phone number
59. [x] Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. [x] Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny
Running total: 41
61. [ ] Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. [x] Said funner then had someone make fun of you for it
63. [x] Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. [x] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. [x] Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side (I learned the hard way T_T)
66. [x] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. [x] Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. [x] Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. [x] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. [x] Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
Running total: 50
71. [x] When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. [x] Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb (ouch...)
73. [x ] Ran into a door jam
74. [x] Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. [x] Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. [ ] Have purposely licked playground sand
77. [ ] Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. [x] Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. [x] Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. [] Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would hurt
Running total: 57
81. [ ] Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. [ ] Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. [ ] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back
84. [x] Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. [] Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. [] Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. [ ] Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked funny.
88. [] When at a restaurant, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. [ ] Have flung forks at people in a restaurant
89. [ ]Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.
Running total: 58
91. [x] As you are writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. [ ] Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. [x] Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper (then I got wrapped)
94. [ x] Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. [x] Have started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. [x] Read a whole book but during the whole book you weren’t even paying attention
97. [x] You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. [] When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling
99. [x ] Have used your calculator as a form of communication in a class
100. [ ] Have popped a balloon in your mouth
Total: 65
Mark which things you have done, then calculate your score by counting the number of questions you marked. This test is out of 100 questions which means that the number you get as your score is also your percentage. Tag all of your friends, and re-post as "I do stupid things __% of the time."
1. [] Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. [x] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. [x] Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. [x] Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. [] Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not, or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. [x] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush
8. [x] Have looked for something for at least 5 min then realized it was in your hand
9. [x] Tried to push open a door that said pull
10.[ x] Tried to pull open a door that said push
Running total: 8
11. [ ] Have actually believed someone when they said that they
knew how to make a love-potion
12. [ x] Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. [x ] Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. [x] Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. [ ] Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. [ ] Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. [x] Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. [x] Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. [x] Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. [] Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
Running total: 14
21. [x] Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. [ ] Have fallen out of a moving vehicle
23. [x] Have run into a closed door (it was my own T_T)
25. [ ] Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. [x] It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. [ ] Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. [x] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. [ ] Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
Running total: 18
31. [x] After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. [ x] Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. [x] Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. [x ]Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property (almost xD)
35. [x] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc when its on, even though you knew it was hot
36. [x] Taken off your clothes to change into something else then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. [x]Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. [] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. [x] Walked into a pole
40. [ ] Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident/stolen someones shoes by accident
Running total: 26
41. [x] Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. [x ] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on
43. [x]Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. [x ] Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. [x] Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there, you forgot what it is was that you were going to do (all the time...=D)
46. [x] Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. [x] Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. [] Have poked yourself in the eye (more like people poked me in the eye =P)
49. [] Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. [ ] Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
Running total: 33
51. [] Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. [x] Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. [x] Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. [x] Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was
55. [] Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were.
56. [x] Looked into an overhead purposefully while it was on
57. [x] Got up early and got ready for school/work, then realized that you didn't have school/work that day
58. [x] Forgot your own phone number
59. [x] Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. [x] Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny
Running total: 41
61. [ ] Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. [x] Said funner then had someone make fun of you for it
63. [x] Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. [x] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. [x] Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side (I learned the hard way T_T)
66. [x] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. [x] Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. [x] Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. [x] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. [x] Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
Running total: 50
71. [x] When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. [x] Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb (ouch...)
73. [x ] Ran into a door jam
74. [x] Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. [x] Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. [ ] Have purposely licked playground sand
77. [ ] Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. [x] Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. [x] Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. [] Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would hurt
Running total: 57
81. [ ] Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. [ ] Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. [ ] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back
84. [x] Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. [] Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. [] Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. [ ] Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked funny.
88. [] When at a restaurant, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. [ ] Have flung forks at people in a restaurant
89. [ ]Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.
Running total: 58
91. [x] As you are writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. [ ] Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. [x] Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper (then I got wrapped)
94. [ x] Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. [x] Have started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. [x] Read a whole book but during the whole book you weren’t even paying attention
97. [x] You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. [] When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling
99. [x ] Have used your calculator as a form of communication in a class
100. [ ] Have popped a balloon in your mouth
Total: 65
Saturday, January 24, 2009
*facepalm*
Recently, for history, we were supposed to research a given topic and give a presentation on it.
For my group, it was nationalism. We did what every group would (probably) do: meet, research stuff, type it up, blah blah blah
On the day of presentation, one of my group members suddenly asked me, "What's nationalism?"
I was seriously about to hit myself.
Okay, come on. That person wrote a full friggin' page on it and doesn't know what it means???
It reminded me of the Change project as a whole last year...people doing a report on something and not knowing what it means.
All in all, that was a huge waste of time. Next time on a group project, I seriously don't want to work with that person again, even though he's been a good friend since the good old Weibel days.
People do get lazy. Including me. But in a group, think about who ends up suffering.
For my group, it was nationalism. We did what every group would (probably) do: meet, research stuff, type it up, blah blah blah
On the day of presentation, one of my group members suddenly asked me, "What's nationalism?"
I was seriously about to hit myself.
Okay, come on. That person wrote a full friggin' page on it and doesn't know what it means???
It reminded me of the Change project as a whole last year...people doing a report on something and not knowing what it means.
All in all, that was a huge waste of time. Next time on a group project, I seriously don't want to work with that person again, even though he's been a good friend since the good old Weibel days.
People do get lazy. Including me. But in a group, think about who ends up suffering.
Blog Day One
1/24/09
11:40PM
I created this blog because I was bored and from popular demand xD
If you've read any of my FB notes, they will be very similar to what will be put here, although more stuff will be added here that's like...school-related >.>
Now I need to study for finals x.x
11:40PM
I created this blog because I was bored and from popular demand xD
If you've read any of my FB notes, they will be very similar to what will be put here, although more stuff will be added here that's like...school-related >.>
Now I need to study for finals x.x
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